6 Awful Things I Do (or have done) To My Children

  1. Any time I’m in the car with them and they start talking to me, I slowly turn up the radio until I can’t hear them and shout “WHAT?!? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! THE RADIO IS UP TOO LOUD! WAIT, I’LL TURN IT DOWN!”. I then turn it down, wait for them to start talking and slowly begin to turn it up again.
  2. I put hot sauce on most of my food just to keep them from asking for bites.
  3. I tell them that the baddest of the “bad words” is the X-word. I also tell them anytime we pass a person pulled over by the police that the person the cop is talking to probably got caught saying the X-word and will most likely be going to jail for it.
  4. When I see them in a situation where they’ll most likely get hurt, I judge how bad the accident will be and if it doesn’t seem like it’ll be too bad I just sit back and see how it goes.
  5. Anytime I hear “Where’s Mama?” I tell them that she left for Hawaii (or some other far off location) and I that can’t believe that she forgot to say anything about it.
  6. I sometimes explain the most mundane of natural phenomenons in the most terrifyingly Lovecraftian way I can come up with at the moment, wait for the horror to really sink in and then tell them the truth.
Advertisements

6 comments on “6 Awful Things I Do (or have done) To My Children

  1. Wahahaha, these are awful! funny and awful. I am guilty of number 2 šŸ˜€

  2. Hilarious! I remember my Dad using #1 on me and my sister when we were younger lol.

  3. Love you Dadgitated – you’re always good for a laugh. As a former child, I can tell you that I used to spit in my food so my father wouldn’t try to eat it. Sort of the anti-hot sauce method. It had the added advantage of keeping my older brother out.
    This was especially helpful with ice cream. Spit. Stir.
    šŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s