Liebster Award

liebster2So I got a message from From Timber to Tide yesterday saying “Tag, you’re it! You have just been nominated for the Liebster Blog Award!“.

What!?!?!? I was nominated for something! A blogging something! A blogging AWARD! Finally my obvious greatness has been recognized! I am the greatest! THE GREATEST!!!!!

Then I found out there was a catch: I would have to do a bit of work to get this award.

I hate work.

But I do like awards.

So here is the first bit of work I have to do: Post eleven random facts about myself.

  1. I was fourteen years-old before I realized that squirrel and raccoon was not something in the average persons diet.
  2. If an uptight workaholic, a redneck tugboat captain that parties like he’s at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in 1976 the entire time he’s not on a boat, the quintessential crazy cat lady and a closeted effeminate hairdresser all had a hand at raising a child, I would be (and actually am) the result.
  3. Before getting married I could go to a party and just stand quietly in a corner and eventually the hottest girl in the room would see me and decide that she was going to “friend zone” me, “friend zone” me so hard that it would hurt.
  4. Centipedes freak me out. I can’t even look at them.
  5. I will always think that a redfish’s proper name is a spottail bass.
  6. I know next to nothing about team sports.
  7. I sometimes keep and eat the fish I catch. Sinful but true.
  8. I spent years making fun of my wife for her love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Then I watched Buffy and now I’m a huge Joss Whedon fan.
  9. I thought coming up with eleven facts about myself would be easy. I was wrong.
  10. I spent two summers living in the woods with the Rainbow Family of Living Light.
  11. During those summers I slept beside some of the most renowned trout streams in the western United States. I didn’t fish.

Now for the second part: answer the eleven questions asked by the person who nominated you.

  1. What’s your favorite holiday tradition/memory? – My wife’s family has steak for Christmas dinner. It’s a new tradition for me but I really like steak.
  2. Sex or sleep? – Sex of course.
  3. What is on top of your pizza (when you’re not forced to order what the kids like)? – Pepperoni, mushrooms and anchovies.
  4. What’s your proudest moment? – I want to say that it was when I first became a father but actually it was yesterday when I spelled “segue” properly without looking it up or anything.
  5. Name the one song that you can hear that makes everything better and right in the world? – Black Water by The Doobie Brothers.
  6. When’s the last time you fell in love?  Success or failure? – It was with my wife and so far it’s been a giant success.
  7. Explain you, in five words or less. – No.
  8. Name the best place you have ever swam. – A cold spring known as the “Blue Hole” that is in the middle of a swamp deep within the Francis Marion National Forest.
  9. What do you really think about Tom Cruise? – That motherfucker is nuts.
  10. If you could dispel one myth about your specific gender, what would it be? – That guys only think about sex. Personally I think about fishing and food as much as I think about sex.
  11. What’s your least favorite part of being a grown up? – Anything I do that is the least bit hip seems somewhat sad and sort of pathetic now.

So now I pick eleven other bloggers to award with the Liebster Award. My research said that I’m suppose to award up and coming blogs or blogs with less than 200 followers. Most of the following blogs do not fit within those parameters.

  1. G0ne Fishin9
  2. How Small a Trout
  3. Flies Over Nebraska
  4. Memoirs of a Flygirl
  5. A Happy Mess
  6. Ramblings of a Madwoman
  7. Shes a ManiYak

And it appears that there will only be seven of them because it seems I follow mostly blogs that have way too many followers.

I’m such a sheep.

Alright, now the last part, if the seven above are willing to participate, here are eleven questions to answer:

  1. What’s your favorite dish?
  2. If you could be any animal for a day what would it be and why?
  3. What made you want to start blogging?
  4. What will be your weapon of choice be in the up coming zombie apocalypse?
  5. If you fly fish what’s your favorite fly and if you don’t fly fish (or fish at all) why?
  6. What’s your favorite body of water?
  7. What Star Wars character would you be?
  8. Dog, cat or other?
  9. Fill in the blank- Your momma so dumb __________.
  10. If you had to lose one of your five senses which one would it be?
  11. If you could meet any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?

Alright, I think that’s it.

Kids are Weird

“Daddy, what is this movie called?”

“This is Sponge Bob. You know that.”

“No. The movie we in.”

We’re in. And we’re not in a movie. This is real life. Not A Movie.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes is.”

“No not!”

“YES! Hehee…”

“N… I won’t be pulled into your trap. Real life isn’t a movie. It doesn’t have a name. We just live. Got it?”

“You wrong. Real life is a movie. And the movie has a name.”

“Oh yeah? And what’s that name mister smartypants?”

“Love. Our movie called Love and it the longest movie ever.”

“Where do you come up this shi… stuff?”

“I just know it true.”


My mother is coming to town and staying with us for the upcoming Christmas holiday which means it is time for cleaning.

Like really cleaning.

Not just straightening up.

Not just shoving toys in the kids room and forcing the door shut.

Not just finding and throwing away the banana peels and apple cores hidden around the house by the boys.

This is serious dusting, mopping, wiping things down, clearing year old clutter kind of cleaning that takes days to properly accomplish.

The worst part about doing this isn’t the cleaning itself though.

The worst part is after my mother gets here and we let her (as if it’s some sort of privilege) watch the kids for us while we go out, just to come back to a house a few hours later that is somehow so much cleaner that it feels as if we never cleaned the house in the first place.

Because my mother does read this blog I want to make sure she knows this isn’t a complaint about the cleaning itself. By all means, please Mom, exercise that OCD.

No, this is me saying that my children have taken my idea of what clean is and totally fucked it.



I Guess He Is Kind Of Cute

I realize that I am often a bit harsh when talking about my three year-old son, Demon Spawn. The fact that I refer to him as Demon Spawn in itself is pretty harsh.

Truth be told, he isn’t all bad, all the time. Don’t get me wrong, bad is Demon Spawns predominate mode, but sometimes, on very rare occasions, he is sweet, helpful and dare I say even considerate. Very rare occasions.

He is also, when I step back and try to observe from the outside of the situation, just plain cute. Just this morning while I was cooking breakfast he walked up to me with his newest Lego creation, “Wook Daddy. A twain. Tugga, tugga, too, too.” After wondering a few seconds about when his next appointment with the speech therapist was, it dawned on me how insanely adorable he would seem to be to someone that didn’t spend every fucking waking moment of their dwindling lives with him…

Then he punched me in the ass and ran away screaming “I PUNCH YOUR BUTT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”