He May Not End Up Being The Outdoor Type

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Weekends

There happens to be an entire world outside of my home; oceans, mountains, wide open plains, dense dark jungles and forest, deserts of rock and shifting sands… It’s all out there waiting to be seen.

Now I’ll admit that most of the things I mentioned above aren’t very close to the outside of my home, but we do have a yard with trees, grass, flowers and even a few thick brambles near the fence. There’s also sunshine and warm weather out there. And fresh air. Sweet, sweet fresh air…

So with all this just right outside the walls of my house why do I have to threaten my children to get them go out into it? It’s not like they’re enjoying themselves inside. All they do inside is fight and complain about how boring it is and ask “What are we going to do today?” in their very whiniest voices.

“What do you want to do?” I’ll ask.

I… don’t… knoooowwwww…” They’ll answer back in the type of whine that should only be used if you’re asking someone why they’re skinning a live puppy.

“Well why don’t you go outside and play and enjoy this beautiful weather?”

My oldest will always answer, “Because it’s booorrring.” And Demon Spawn will answer in his usual way (which is also the way most belligerent drunks would) “Why don’t you go outside and play?!?!”

“OK then. Start cleaning. You pick-up that stuff there. You take these to…”

Fine! We’ll go outside!”

And then they go out there and sit and complain outside the door as loudly as possible about how boring the outside is and how they wish they could come inside. After awhile of this I’ll let them in so they can complain about how boring the inside is. This last until I threaten to make them clean again which causes them to go back outside to complain.

And this is the way I spend most of my weekends…