I haven’t been feeling well the last few days. I had been blaming this on what I thought was the longest, most horrific hangover of all time, which incidentally almost had me swearing off alcohol all together rendering the idea of all future social functions completely unbearable, which in turn was just another step toward my inevitable shunning of all civilization and an eventual case of extreme agoraphobia. But I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose so I figured I’ve just been trying to fight off a cold.
This has left me a touch unpleasant to be around though. I’ve been snappy and much quicker to dole out punishments to the children over minor things. And some of the punishments or at least threats of punishments have been a little over the top, like when I threatened to burn down Disney World and cancel their birthdays.
My wife reminded me to take a few deep breaths and to remember that I shouldn’t take my not feeling well out on the children.
I told her she was stupid and should shut-up. Then I crossed my arms in front of my chest, stamped my foot and then maybe whimpered a little bit.
“Aww,” she said. “My poor husband has a man cold.”
I’m not exactly sure what she meant by that but I’m thinking she means that I have a super cold with an unsually high viral load to deal with a manliness that’s so extreme it’s evident even on the cellular level.