No Baby!

That title? That has been the most commonly used phrase in my home in the last month or so. Also, “No baby don’t…!”, “No! Put that down!” and my personal favorite, “That’s not yours! It doesn’t belong to you! Just stop! Stop! For the love of god why can’t you just… Just…! No, no, NO!”.

So what I’m saying is that the baby’s going through a stage. A “if I can reach it, I will take it” stage.

And he seems to be able to reach everything. I guess he’s tall for his age. He also has figured out how to drag chairs around and use them to climb on counter tops and tables.

Oh, and he also has decided that clothes and diapers were made to come off. That’s another fun stage he’s going through right now.

That’s how, just the other day, I had to quickly run into the bathroom for a few minutes due to an unfortunate encounter with some “Mexican” food, to come out and find a baby, who was previously completely dressed, naked, standing in his own bodily waste holding a large kitchen knife.

I was in there for maybe,Β maybe,Β two minutes. But it was enough time for him to strip naked, pull a chair to the counter, climb up onto that counter, pull a knife out of the block, climb back down and then poop in front of the bathroom door.

I’m not sure if either of us will survive this stage.

10 comments on “No Baby!

  1. Lynda Woerner says:

    That’s why you take them in the bathroom with you….

    • agitatedangler says:

      Yeah, should of thought of that. But if I started thinking things through more often there be a real lack of amusing antidotes in my life…

  2. Hilarious!! But am certain not when you have to deal with it:-D

  3. Saija says:

    Wow! Total respect! Your awesome dad! πŸ™‚

  4. mathairfiona says:

    I’m guessing you aren’t laughing about this (I certainly wouldn’t have been laughing), but it is a hilarious read. If it weren’t for the inherent danger, a picture would have been awesome! Hang in there, Dad! This won’t last forever…but I’m guessing there will be some injury.

    • agitatedangler says:

      I laughed about it well after the fact…

      • mathairfiona says:

        I’m glad πŸ™‚ I find myself wanting to laugh in the middle of “bad” behavior…SOMETIMES. But then I have to cover it up so Crazy Pants won’t see.

        Oh, I’m trying out “Crazy Pants” as a potential Internet name for my two year-old πŸ˜‰

  5. If it makes you feel any better πŸ˜‰ here are some of the not-funny-at-the-time-but-hilarious-later things our boys did at that age (and, yes, they’ve lived into adulthood):

    -climbed into the cat litter box

    -joined the cats at their food bowl (dry food, thankfully, although I’m not sure why that’s better)

    -poured my mother’s nail polish all over the living room carpet (I thought I was smart and had given up nail polish for the duration. My mother, unfortunately, missed the memo.)

    -threw my mother’s credit cards off the front porch, making them land into the bushes and requiring us to crawl around in said bushes for them. Since she had a lot of cards but didn’t know how many, this took a while for us to be certain. This btw, was the same visit as the nail polish – you’d think we would have been watching him closer.

    -climbed up the outside of the stair railing to the second floor. I discovered this after he had gotten to the second floor, hanging from the posts out over the tiled-over-concrete-slab floor. I was home alone with him so had to choose between racing up the stairs to grab him or sweet talking him down with cookies. I bet on cookies because I’m not ashamed of bribing my kids.

    We had our kids 5 years apart. In hindsight, it might have been so that we didn’t have two toddlers in the house at the same time. πŸ™‚

    As always, love your posts!

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