People I know have been asking me recently why I’ve stopped posting. Usually I come up with some bullshit answer like “nothing interesting is happening” or “I’ve been too busy”. Truth be told there are multiple reasons and most have to do with something I’m notoriously uncomfortable with: emotions.
Stupid, stupid emotions.
See, I’ve been avoiding writing anything because I don’t like to talk about feelings. Not real feelings anyway.
I want to write light, funny antidotes about the cute, comical little things my kids do while growing-up. And I want to write light, funny antidotes about the ways kids suck sometimes but it’s all worth it because of…
Well, I guess there’s the problem.
Things have started to feel a lot less light and funny.
I wake up looking forward to bed time.
I react the same now to one of my children screaming in pain as I do to one of my children laughing hysterically in joy (if you’re wondering, that reaction is indifference (or annoyance depending on how loudly the crying/laughing is)).
I’m morose and generally unpleasant to everyone.
So what I’m trying to say is that I’m becoming, or have become, an unbearable dick.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to read a post written by an unbearable dick.
But, it is a new year, and as I saw yesterday written over a picture of Robert Downey Jr. rolling his eyes, “It’s Time for that New Year, New Me, bullshit”.
So here’s me taking the first step and admitting that there is a problem, and saying that it’s time for me to start actively trying to stop being so fucking miserable all the time, start writing more often, go fishing more often, stop looking at life like it’s a burden and appreciate it for the love, beauty and all the other mushy emotional shit it provides and maybe lose a few pounds while I’m at it!
And if bootstrapping doesn’t work, there’s always antidepressants.