Video Games: A Rant

What follows an approximant account of the lecture I found myself giving my two oldest children last night. I want to state right now that I have no problem with video games and am actually quite fond of playing them myself, but there’s only so much a dad can take…

No! No! NO!!!

I will NOT get you through the rest of this dungeon!

No I will NOT beat this boss for you!

Do you think I had someone to get me through the hard parts of games when I was a kid?!?!

You think Nana or Grandpa ever beat a boss for me?

No.

No they didn’t.

My generation was the first to have complicated games and we didn’t have parents that knew how to play.

My parents played Pac-man and Pong and pinball!

We didn’t have the luxury of living in a house with someone who’s played games for 25+ years and who knew how video game logic works.

No, when I was a kid, WHEN I WAS A CHILD, we had to figure out how to get through things ourselves dammit!

WE didn’t even have the INTERNET!

Yeah, that’s right! No internet.

Let that shit sink in.

If we were lucky we had a friend who had played before us or we knew someone who knew someone who was able to save up enough money to buy a Nintendo Power magazine that might, MIGHT, have an answer to a question about the game we were playing in it!

When I was a kid, when that old man between the fires in the beginning of Zelda said “take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”, all he gave us was that sword, because we, we were truly alone out there in the shit man.

WE figured the puzzles out ourselves!

To US, every “secret”, be it level, weapon or what have you, was an actual goddam secret that you either stumbled on yourself by chance or you had to research and hunt down  like it was the Ark-of-the-MOTHERFUCKING-COVENANT!

WE DID THAT THAT SHIT OURSELVES! 

WE, WE HAD GAMES THAT NO ONE WE KNEW COULD BEAT!!

WE WERE THE LONELY MOTHERFUCKING WARRIORS OF VIDEO GAMES AND WE ARE BETTER PEOPLE BECAUSE OF IT, NOW STOP ASKING ME TO PLAY YOUR GODDAM GAMES FOR YOU!!!

Um…

I’m sorry, Daddy didn’t mean to…

Please stop crying guys…

I didn’t mean to…

How about I get y’all through those levels and we just don’t tell Momma about this?

Ok?

I… I love you… 

 

Advertisements

10 comments on “Video Games: A Rant

  1. Saija says:

    But that is true.. There were one one to help on those moments.. We really needed to do that for ourselves.. And it made us leanr more creative ways to go over to the next level.. WTG Us! 🙂

    • agitatedangler says:

      I’ve got to admit though, I probably would have been like my kids and went straight to the internet for answers if I could have…

      • Saija says:

        Ofcourse we would, but we did not have the change 🙂 So we can say, poor us.. 🙂 When I was A kid all was so different.. 🙂 Thanks for todays post! 🙂

  2. Just so you know, I read this in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENjKi7NkTNE&feature=youtu.be

    • agitatedangler says:

      Which is funny, because when I go off on a good rant SLJ’s voice is how it sounds in my head. In real life I sound more like stuttering Jonah Hill with a southern drawl…

  3. This made me smile. I am in the tweener generation. My parents wouldn’t know the first thing to do to help me with games, but I did have access to the internet on most things.

  4. OMG – I think I might be yer mum. I played Pong, PacMan and Donkey Kong. And, making it worse, those last two were only available at the ice rink or bowling alley. The cool kid in school had Pong. Which means I’m not only old but was never cool. If that’s not enough to make you weep for our generation, we also only had, gulp, 3 tv channels (no self respecting kid counted PBS).

    You’re right – your children should appreciate the pioneering work you and your generation have done to pave the way in exploring the world wide web and conquering video games. 🙂

    • agitatedangler says:

      Ha! When I was very young pong was still pretty cool, I did waste many a coin on pac-man and donkey kong, and cable/satellite was something rich people had. So don’t feel bad or anything. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s