Driving The Last Nail In My Bourgeois Coffin

I went to the gym today.

And I wasn’t there to fix something or to deliver a pizza.

No, I was there because I no longer drag waterlogged ship lines across the decks of barges. I was there because I no longer throw around truck tires or fight two thousand pound draft horses. Because I spend almost no time walking miles through the woods in pursuit  of game or along mountains streams looking for fish.

What I’ve been doing is watching a lot of Sesame Street and changing diapers.

This is doing nothing for my health.

So, as of this morning, I started going to the gym.

It was a shock.

I started off on the cross trainer which I’m pretty sure was invented around the same time as the rack and thumb screw. I did a mile. I fell down because my legs didn’t work when I got off it.

I then walked a mile on the track to get my legs working again. I was repeatedly lapped by old people speed-walking.

Then I did some weight training, which I thought would go alright because I’m pretty good at lifting heavy things, but it didn’t go alright. My left arm now hates me.

All of this was topped off by numerous naked men in the locker room. I’ve never seen another man nude in real life. Not while sober. I didn’t realize how much alcohol cushioned the shock before now.

And I’m planing on doing it all over again on Friday…


3 comments on “Driving The Last Nail In My Bourgeois Coffin

  1. strawberryquicksand says:

    Oh dear. The gym. A torture chamber by any other name… lol Well, I hear that once you get into the swing of it it becomes easier. And you enjoy it more. I will agree with the first half of that statement, but enjoy it more? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm the only thing that would make me enjoy the gym more would be to throw out all the doof doof CDs and install a heavy rocking punk or rock band to lift weights and tromp along the treadmill to….

    • agitatedangler says:

      I learned quickly that an ipod full of pop-punk from the early 90’s is only way that I can get through the experience.
      Still didn’t make it easy or fun, but it got it got me through.

      • strawberryquicksand says:

        Haha – yeah, I had the iriver (???!!! do they still even make those?) but the bass beat of the doof doof would still penetrate my earphones mercilessly….

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