Seriously, what’s been up your ass lately?
We had a real good thing going on while I was trying to get on my feet but now that I got my shit together and am mobile your like all up in my business.
Like the other day when I wanted to carry around that big glass baking dish I found in the back of that cabinet, you know the cabinet you so uncoolly try to keep me out of all the time but I keep going back in because I know that must be where you keep most of the awesomeness in the house, and you totally ganked it from me and you were all like “No baby you blah, blah, blah, break, blah, cut and hurt, blah”. Man, what’s the point of walking upright if I’m not allowed to use my hands to carry stuff.
Oh, and what about the time the other day when you found me splashing in that big white bowl of water in the room where I take baths. I was having a good time all by myself seeing what could fit in and what would soak up more water, a sock or that roll of paper you leave in there, and then you bust in there all freaking the fuck out about germs and yelling about my brothers not closing the door or the lid to the bowl.
Honestly I think the only people in the house that care are my brothers. They leave the good stuff laying around; the little colorful plastic squares that I like to put in my mouth, the two piece metal thingy with the bright red round handles that make that “shicka-shicka” sound when I open and close them, balls just big enough for me to shove all the way back in my mouth to where I make that weird gagging sound…
All those things you say no to are the things that bring me joy dude and you just want to take all that joy away… Joy killer.
The Little Baby