The Talk

OK, I can answer this.

“That? That is tampon.”

Maybe that’ll be…

Oh dear God NO!

“Well, um… You know how a baby is made?”

Please let him remember. I don’t want to have that talk too. Please let him remember.

Oh good.

“So, the momma makes the egg in the ovary… No, not like a chicken egg.”

Is this kid fucking with me?

“You were joking. Do you want to know or what?”

Say no. Say no and walk away. Please just walk away.

Damn it!

“Alright then, um, the egg goes from the ovary, down the fallopian tube, to the uterus, where the baby grows if the egg gets fertilized.”

Wait, I think I got this. It’s just biology. I know biology.

“If the egg doesn’t get fertilized by a certain time the egg and the… uterine… wall?”

Oh shit, I don’t have this, I have no idea how this part happens.

“Um, anyway it, uh… The egg comes out in a bloody mess and the tampon is like an insertable band-aid that keeps women from bleeding in their pants.”

Oh sweet baby Jesus, did I just say that? What the hell?

Oh no, what is… Oh, I, I think am actually watching what it looks like when a mental scar forms.

“Why don’t you go watch TV buddy. I’ll make you some hot chocolate”

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