- Your toys are the big soft plush ones – Yes, I know the legos across the room look like the coolest toys in the world. And yes, I know you worked very hard to get over to them. And I’m sure that the massive amount of sensory stimulation you get from shoving them in your mouth by the hand-full is totally worth the part where you get picked up by your feet and smacked on the back to dislodge the ones that made their way to the back of your throat, but you have your own toys. They’re the soft cuddly ones that we surround you with when you’re on the floor. They’re the ones that are too big for you to choke on. You know, the ones in the bright, inviting primary colors. Those are your toys.
- Pick a position, then sleep in it – I know having so much control over your own body can be intoxicating. And being able to roll over on your own is super-duper neat, but practicing this incredible skill should be reserved for when you are awake, not when you’re “sleeping”.
- Food is easier to eat when you open your mouth – This should be pretty self-explanatory. You want it, you cry for it, now open your mouth and take it.
- The hair on my head/face/chest is not there for you to use as a handle – This hair is not there so you can have a convenient way to pull yourself up. It’s not there so I can’t get away from you when you decide it’s time to chew on my nose. That hair exists to help me reserve body heat… and for decorative purposes.
- Please stay still when I’m trying to change your diapers – You’re the one who pooped. You’re the one who’s so unhappy about sitting in it. So don’t fight me when I try to clean it up for you. Remember, you did this to yourself.